Ideas and Synopsis

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redmotion
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Re: Ideas and Synopsis

Post by redmotion » 09 May 2010, 20:46

Er-hmm! :!!

opentarget
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Re: Ideas and Synopsis

Post by opentarget » 10 May 2010, 17:48

haha i hear you! like i said in my last post, my work wont allow me to put any external files on the network.
so im gona pop to a net cafe on the way home tonight and upload what i have for critique.

opentarget
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Re: Ideas and Synopsis

Post by opentarget » 10 May 2010, 19:02

i cant upload a pdf....
anyone have any ideas?

redmotion, how did u get that script thing to work so maybe i can paste it in there?

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redmotion
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Re: Ideas and Synopsis

Post by redmotion » 10 May 2010, 20:24

I just copy pasted the text into some code brackets and then reformatted it.

opentarget
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Re: Ideas and Synopsis

Post by opentarget » 10 May 2010, 20:42

this is draft_001 of the screenplay, i would love it if yous could overlook the bad spelling and so on :P
let us know what yous think and how we might push it further so we can have a great story to work with!
enjoy.

Code: Select all

         
                                    Din Dins                               
                                                                           
                                       By                                  
                                                                           
                                                     
                                si-community.com                           
                                        
                                                                           
                                                                           
          EXT.PICTURESQUE TOWN-SUNSET                                      
                                                                           
          Sun is starting to set in around the houses and shops of a       
          beautiful picturesque town, the lights are coming on in the      
          houses and the curtains are being drawn, up on the hill          
          above the town a huge Gothic house sits quietly hulking          
          above the town.                                                  
                                                                           
                                                                           
          INT.GOTHIC MANSION BEDROOM-SUNSET                                
                                                                           
          A digital alarm clock sits beeping rested in the hand of a       
          suit of Armour, the Armour is dressed in a pair of boxer         
          shorts and has a baseball hat on its head.                       
                                                                           
          Vamp shifts in his bed(an extra large coffin with nice thick     
          pillows and blankets) and rolls towards the beeping clock,       
          one eye opens and he lifts his head drool clings to the          
          pillow. He knocks the clock off and slides out of bed, he        
          slips his feet into a fluffy pair of slippers and shuffles       
          into a dirty grubby dressing gown, picking a half full           
          bottle of blood from the knights other hand he takes a sip,      
          then he navigates the messy bedroom and out the door.            
                                                                           
                                                                           
          INT.GOTHIC MANSION HALLWAY-CONTINUED                             
                                                                           
          Vamp rubs his eyes tiredly as he walks down the hall towards     
          the bathroom, the hall is hugely long with chandeliers           
          hanging and suits of Armour all along the sides, some of the     
          Armour suits are placed in silly sexual poses and some have      
          been dressed in womens clothing, broken vases and mess           
          clutters the place. Vamp steps over a pile of comic books at     
          the door to the bathroom.                                        
                                                                           
                                                                           
          INT.GOTHIC MANSION BATHROOM-SUNSET                               
                                                                           
          Vamp stands in the grimy bathroom in front of a large gilded     
          mirror, he looks at himself and dose not like what he sees,      
          he pokes at his slightly flabby belly and flexes his             
          biceps..not much muscle to speak of. He sighs and leans          
          close to the mirror and checks the bags under his eyes           
          shaking his head he takes a toothbrush out and scrubs his        
          teeth and fangs, the only clean and well kept part of his        
          body.                                                            
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           

                                                                  2.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
          INT.GOTHIC MANSION STUDY-SUNSET                                  
                                                                           
          Vamp enters a huge study, walking over to a computer in the      
          corner of the room, as he walks he passes through a shaft of     
          light and his skin starts to crisp and smoke, he walks over      
          angrily and pulls the heavy curtains closed. Slumping in his     
          chair he raises his bottle of blood to the huge portrait of      
          his father hanging above the fireplace.                          
                                                                           
                              VAMP                                         
                    Morning Dad... good                                    
                    evening...whatever.                                    
                                                                           
          Sipping blood as is computer dials a connection to the           
          internet he looks at his watch as it takes ages to connect,      
          grabbing the monitor in his hands he stares deeply into it       
          and his eyes cloud over, it connects. He laughs an evil          
          laugh and gulps down some blood he coughs and splutters          
          blood all over the monitor as it goes down wrong, catching       
          his breath he then wipes the blood off the screen with the       
          sleeve of his dressing gown adding more filth to the already     
          manky gown. Draining the end from his bottle he gets up and      
          walks over the the huge fireplace in the room, he steps in       
          and pushes a raised brick button in, the back of the fire        
          opens up to reveal a huge walk in fridge, he places the          
          empty bottle on a shelf and walks in to look for a full one,     
          sifting through loads of empty’s he starts to frantically        
          search to no avail, slumping he shakes his head in dismay.       
          As he walks out he sees some of the empty’s still have dregs     
          of blood in them, he picks these ones up and steps out to        
          the room again, placing all the bottles down he starts to        
          fill one up with all the dregs from the others. His fathers      
          portrait glaring over him almost looking like he was             
          disgusted at his son.                                            
                                                                           
                              VAMP-(PRETENDING TO BE HIS FATHER)           
                    Ohh how the young vampires of today                    
                    live...fat and lazy, no power or                       
                    elegance,not like in my day!                           
                                                                           
          Vamp makes a face at his fathers picture and takes a gulp        
          from his now full bottle, scrunching his face up in disgust      
          at the cocktail of blood types, he flings it across the room     
          and scrapes his tongue clean on his sleeve. His stomach          
          rumbles hungrily. He walks over moodily to the window and        
          the sun has fully settled for the night, he looks down at        
          the town.                                                        
                                                                           
                              VAMP                                         
                    Mehhh...not in the mood for the                        
                    hunt tonight...ill see if i can                        
                    lour some sap online.                                  
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                           (CONTINUED)     
                                                                           

          CONTINUED:                                              3.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
          He sits back down at the computer and logs onto a date site,     
          he scrolls through the lists and clicks on a stunning            
          looking goth girl "looking for a mysterious handsome             
          stranger to whisk me off my feet and into the night". He         
          cracks a smile as he sees she is online, he starts a chat        
          with her.                                                        
                                                                           
          Vamp- "well hello there, I see you are looking for a             
          mysterious handsome man...well i may be just what your           
          looking for...."                                                 
                                                                           
          Goth Girl- "Think again you loser"                               
                                                                           
          Vamp sits back from the computer confused, he scratches his      
          head.                                                            
                                                                           
          Vamp-"what the hell...thats a bit harsh? you dont even know      
          me!"                                                             
                                                                           
          Goth Girl- "take a look at the comments left on your profile     
          from other girls you tried to pick up"                           
                                                                           
          He checks out his profile only to be met with a slew of          
          negative comments like "Profile picture didnt look anything      
          like him..what a creep!" and "Brought me back to his place,      
          looks like the place hadn’t been cleaned in years so i           
          slipped out when he wasn’t looking, speaking of clean...try      
          take a shower once in a while!" and "we went for pizza for a     
          date, he ate only the meat toppings from his pizza and left      
          the rest...weird!" and "met for a drink to meet in person,       
          im sure he was staring at my neck all night and he was           
          licking his lips all night...disgusting!"                        
                                                                           
          He grunts, and goes to log off when an add pops up on the        
          sire, "local pizza delivery, $10 with any toppings, click        
          the add to order online now!" the add has a picture of a         
          stunning brunet delivery girl with long legs and heaving         
          breasts, Vamp jumps in his seat and clicks the add and           
          places an order. He closes his eyes and pictures the             
          delivery girl at the door, She holds the pizza in one hand       
          and pulls down the top of her shirt with the other to reveal     
          her neck.                                                        
                                                                           
                              PIZZA DELIVER GIRL(DREAM)                    
                    Special pizza delivery...with our                      
                    special sauce.                                         
                                                                           
          She closes her eyes turns her head to present her neck and       
          bites her lip. Vamp is rudely snapped back to reality as the     
          doorbell rings, he looks out the window and sees the pizza       
          car in the long driveway. He jumps from his chair and smells     
          his breath with his hand.                                        
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           

                                                                  4.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
          INT.GOTHIC MANSION HALLWAY-CONTINUED                             
                                                                           
          Vamp slicks back his hair and walks to the door. Opening the     
          door with a wide sweep and a large grin he sees the stunning     
          woman at the door his vision is cracked appart as the            
          "woman" choughs.                                                 
                                                                           
                              DELIVERY GUY                                 
                    10 dollars...                                          
                                                                           
          the deliver guy hacks up a mouth full of phlegm and spits it     
          on the porch. Vamp stands there with his mouth hanging open      
          in shock, Delivery guy shoves his open hand into Vamps face.     
          He stumbles back and into the house shaking his head to          
          bring him out of his shock, he shoves his hands into his         
          pockets and pulls them inside out, shrugging his shoulders       
          and grins he then turns his attention to the delivery guy        
          and beckons him into the house.                                  
                                                                           
                              VAMP                                         
                    Come in for a moment wont you? I                       
                    seem to have mislaid my money.                         
                                                                           
          Delivery guy mutters under his breath and enters the             
          hallway, looking around the magnificent house through milk       
          bottle thick glasses. Vamp walks him into the study and          
          signals him towards the big old leather couch. Vamp walks        
          over and starts to rummage through some drawers of a cabinet     
          with a sly grin on...all the drawers are totally empty.          
                                                                           
                              VAMP                                         
                    Hmm...i know i left it here                            
                    some...CUT OFF                                         
                                                                           
          Vamp is cut off as he turns from the cabinet and the             
          delivery guy is right up in his face, vamp stumbles back in      
          fright.                                                          
                                                                           
                              DELIVERY GUY                                 
                    10 dollars....                                         
                                                                           
          Vamp laughs un easily then bears his teeth and trys to           
          hypnotize the delivery guy, his eyes glaze over white and he     
          stares deeply at the delivery guy...the thick glasses bounce     
          the hypnotic stare right back to the vamp and he becomes         
          light headed.                                                    
                                                                           
                              DELIVERY GUY                                 
                    10 dollars....                                         
                                                                           
          Vamp pushes past him and looks around the other pieces of        
          furniture in the room all the while the delivery guy follows     
          him around muttering "10 dollars" vamp tries in vain to use      
                                                                           
                                                           (CONTINUED)     
                                                                           

          CONTINUED:                                              5.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
          his vampire stair every time the glasses reflect the effect.     
          Vamp is huffing and puffing with exertion, his pale face now     
          red with effort.                                                 
                                                                           
                              VAMP (OUT OF BREATH)                         
                    Maybe you could give me a hand and                     
                    look down the side of the couch                        
                    over there...im sure thats where i                     
                    was sitting last time i had it...                      
                                                                           
          Delivery guy walks over and starts to lift the plush cusions     
          of the couch, as he dose Vamp picks up the fire poker from       
          the fireplace and tip toes over to the Delivery Guy, he          
          raises the poker and takes aim bearing his fangs and hissing     
          just about the bring the poker down on the head of the           
          delivery guy, who just in that moment picks up the last          
          cushion to reveal a crumpled up 10 dollar bill.                  
                                                                           
                              DELIVERY GUY                                 
                    10 dollars...                                          
                                                                           
          he shoves the pizza into Vamps stumock  who drops the poker      
          and retracts his teeth with a hiss of air as he tries to get     
          his breath back. Delivery Guy waddles out of the room            
          slamming the door behind him, the car screeches off down the     
          driveway.                                                        
                                                                           
          Vamp is left sitting on the couch looking dumbfounded and        
          defeated. his stomach rumbles hungrily and he glumly looks       
          at the pizza.                                                    
                                                                           
          end.  

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Hirazi Blue
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Re: Ideas and Synopsis

Post by Hirazi Blue » 10 May 2010, 21:36

opentarget wrote:i cant upload a pdf....
...but you could ZIP the file and upload the resulting archive... ;)
Stay safe, sane & healthy!

opentarget
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Re: Ideas and Synopsis

Post by opentarget » 10 May 2010, 21:45

Hirazi Blue wrote:...but you could ZIP the file and upload the resulting archive..
not a bad idea :D

heres the zip if youd like to read it offline and with better layout.

let us know what yous think!!
Attachments
DinDins, Softimage Community Animation screenplay.rar
community animation screenplay
(7.43 KiB) Downloaded 156 times

opentarget
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Re: Ideas and Synopsis

Post by opentarget » 11 May 2010, 14:47

any opinions people? come on now its for the commuinty so join in....or ill send Vamp after ye!! :ymdevil:

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Hirazi Blue
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Re: Ideas and Synopsis

Post by Hirazi Blue » 11 May 2010, 20:12

Well, first of all - as a rule of thumb: those who are silent, do not disagree... ;)
I like it, although I foresee problems if the part behind the computer draws out too long...
Stay safe, sane & healthy!

aminate
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Re: Ideas and Synopsis

Post by aminate » 12 May 2010, 02:35

So if I'm reading the script correctly, we've decided to actually have dialogue?

opentarget
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Re: Ideas and Synopsis

Post by opentarget » 12 May 2010, 15:27

well yes there is dialogue at the moment, if we can cut it out in future revisions of the screenplay all well and good.
dose anybody have issues with dialogue in this piece? if so(apart from getting actors) what kind of issues do you forsee?
:-ss

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Hirazi Blue
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Re: Ideas and Synopsis

Post by Hirazi Blue » 12 May 2010, 16:29

Well dialogue poses its own set of challenges, obviously.
Might be interesting (but IMHO not necessary, mind you) to rewrite the script so that it doesn't need any dialogue,
but that in itself might be undoable/impractical...
So maybe a little dialogue is okay. ;)
Stay safe, sane & healthy!

opentarget
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Re: Ideas and Synopsis

Post by opentarget » 12 May 2010, 16:47

well it could be doable without dialogue...but could be nice to have some. maybe even it could be seen as a chance to use the new facerobot features in 2011?
well see if anyone else in the community has input into the dialogue argument and take it into account for draft_002

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redmotion
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Re: Ideas and Synopsis

Post by redmotion » 14 May 2010, 12:17

I don't think this story needs dialogue.

There are no story points in yours or my script that genuinely require dialogue to communicate them. In fact, I think dialogue can spoil animations and disconnect the viewer if it is bad, uninteresting or contributes little to the story point. I think there is a extra joy to be had by the viewer in decoding an animation without dialogue; interpreting the expressions etc, story in their own way. Its like the reverse of reading a book. Dialogue can be too "literal".

I hope Aminate will comment soon as he's the only non-organiser that's commented on this thread who's expressed a genuine interest in the project!

opentarget
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Re: Ideas and Synopsis

Post by opentarget » 14 May 2010, 12:47

couldnt agree more that we can work it without dialogue.
draft_01 is a mash together of all the ideas both mine and redmotions.
draft_02 we can start to cut off the fat we dont need.

aminate
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Re: Ideas and Synopsis

Post by aminate » 14 May 2010, 19:30

ok cool, I'm glad we all seem to be on the same page with the dialogue, or lack of dialogue I should say. (or not say ;) ) Ultimately, It felt like the dialogue was the driving force of the story, and kind of a cheap trick to presenting conflict. Incredible job on the script nonetheless!

Although I do think some grunts and groans here and there would be great.

I think with some solid story-boarding, and great character designs, it will be an awesome short.

any Character concept artists out there?

over and out

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